The Recurring Dream…

It was a recurring dream and it was always the same.... You stood in front of me, expressionless. I had tears in my eyes. All you say is, "Good bye!" Then you turn around and leave. I stand there helpless, too overwhelmed with emotions to be able to say anything.
I woke up with a start. My pillow was drenched with tears... again!! I looked at the clock right besides the night-stand. It showed 5: 47 AM. "Not again," I said to myself. The time was the same too. I was not sure why I kept having the same dream. I could not go back to sleep but I didn't want to wake up. I lay in bed, thinking about you, wishing that you would come back. But I had long ago accepted the fact that you will be gone forever.
I suddenly remembered how madly I was in love with you. I relived the moment I told you about my feelings, over and over in my head. Every time that I thought of you, I realized that I missed an important part of me.
The day you were about to leave, I remember telling you, "wait for me if you can. We will work something out." You smiled, just as if to make me remind me that you had already made up your mind. 
"Why do you want to marry me?" you asked. 
Imagine my predicament when I did not have an answer that could satisfy you. I always thought that I was good with words and that I could convince anyone. The reality check brought me back to earth. I did not have an answer to your question. I just knew that I loved you and that you were the one girl I could spend my entire life with. I was positive that I could keep you happy even if that meant fighting sometimes. I was sure that your touch was the only thing which could comfort me when I felt miserable. All I wanted was a chance to prove that I was not a player and that I cared about you and could go to the end of the world just so that you would not feel an ounce of pain. I did try very hard to convince you but you seemed oblivious to the turmoil of emotions within me.

As I watched you go, I silently prayed to God, to keep you happy and give you all that you were looking for in life. I did also pray with all my heart that you would return. Maybe the distance between us would make you realize that we were meant to be together. But it didn't. Four months later someone told me that you were engaged. I was shattered. It took me over 3 months to get out of depression. Thanks to my closest friends who took great care of me during this period. I had become an emotional wreck. I avoided all calls, stayed up late in office, lost a few pounds. A number of times I found myself staring into nothingness or engulfed in a trance. Almost six months later, you had called. I did not want to go back being miserable so I didn't receive your call. I changed my mobile number that very day. I had now fully accepted the fact that 'WE' ain't happening.

Just then the alarm went off. It was 6:15 AM. My wife stirred in the bed. "Are you up already?" she asked. "Why don't you turn off that alarm? We don't want to wake up the neighbors, do we?" she said. "Good Morning," I smiled and kissed her on the forehead. She snuggled against me. I could smell the sweet scent of shampoo. She always shampooed her hair before going off to sleep. Her hair was still damp. I touched her cheek with the back of my fingers. "Time to get up Sweets," I said. Just as she was about to get up, she cupped my face in her hands... I smiled and kissed the palm of her hand.
I married almost a year after I heard that you got engaged. I was good at pretending to love my wife. No matter how much I convinced myself that I was over you, I knew deep down that I still loved you and no matter what I did, that fact was not going to change.
It's been nearly a year and a half after you left. Professionally I was doing ok. Yet sometimes I did find myself struggling with reality and smoking

excessively. Today was a special day. I was getting promoted. The head of the company was flying down all the way from Australia. I was excited. I would be offered a chance to work at our corporate office in Melbourne. I had dreamt of this day ever since I had joined the organization. Just six hours until the dream metamorphosed into reality. Just as I was about to take a nicotine break, my secretary buzzed me. I had a visitor. I didn't bother to ask who it was. "Send right through" I said.
The door of my cabin opened. You stood there smiling. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. You came inside. I heard the click of the latch as the glass door shut quietly. 
"You asked me to wait, I waited..." you said. "So, will you marry me?" 
You smiled. 
All I did was remind myself to keep breathing. 
 "What happened? Are you not happy that I'm proposing? Do you want me kneel and beg for you to marry me?" You were still smiling. 

You came towards me and held my hand. Your touch was tantalizing. I could feel your palm pressing down on my wedding ring. I looked at the framed picture of my wife. I could feel your eyes following my gaze. You looked at the photo and stood up. You stood in front of me, expressionless. I had tears in my eyes. All you say is, "Good bye!" Then you turn around and leave. I stand there helpless, too overwhelmed with emotions to say anything….!!!

 

 

~ The End ~