My Brain - A Roller Coaster.

We have been told that our mind is one powerful tool and that we can achieve the impossible just by conditioning the mind to believe that it is possible. Today, I will NOT talk about scientific explanations of how mind works, nor will I talk about spiritual ramifications of having positive thoughts to achieve the impossible. I will definitely not be dissecting Rhonda Byrne's book - The Secret (or The Magic or The Power). The lady from "down under" is entitled to have her own views and maybe she has experienced what she has written. Hey, if it helps someone pick up their lives from negativity and move towards positivity. Anything that motivates you is good.. except double cheese pizza with extra cheese... that's Bad..!!

So, what will I talk about today? I will talk about MY mind here. Why, you ask? Well.. because, This is MY blog and I love ME..!! I am not narcissist, but I do worship the ideal self that I think I am. :)

I recently started meditating; that's when I found out that how my mind functions. I started by sitting comfortably and started concentrating on my breathing. I reminded myself that I HAD TO concentrate and have minimal thoughts, to which my mind said, "Yeah, you wish."

So.. the more I forced my mind to stop thinking about random thoughts, the more it ventured into dark and mystical harrows. I was surprised beyond measure experiencing the thoughts that lay hidden while my conscious mind toiled hard with the day-to-day deliverables.

At one point, my mind asked me, "Dude, wouldn't it be awesome if you were invisible". I brushed aside that thought. "Oh come on...", my mind continued, "just think of the amazing things you could do if you were invisible." "Yeah," I finally told my mind, "like, help people who are being bullied.. or maybe, visit the so called "guru's" house and figure out if they actually follow what they preach"

My mind guffawed aloud. "You son-of-a-bitch," it said, "the first thing you would do, is look and touch a lot of boobies, wont you? Admit it you bastard". I was angry at myself for allowing me to think of matters that are considered 'Taboo'.

As I continued my meditation, I realized how difficult it was to control the RAW power of the mind. The first day of meditation and I couldn't go more than a couple of minutes without any thought. I have been told - "The human mind is a loyal servant but a terrible master". Going ahead, I am going to try to put in more effort trying to control my mind.

And as I write this blog, I can feel my mind giving me the middle finger. "Fuck you...." It says to me.

The Princess…

Many a time, we come across people who leave a major impression on your life. Even if they are not meant to be yours, you wish to no limits that they were… This story is of one such person who touched my life and I wished she were mine.

“How many times do guys fall in love?” she asked me. I could feel her utter disgust towards boys. Little did she know, with every word she said, I was falling in love with her. I tried to be smart and said, “Boys can fall in love a number of times… with their mother, sister, friends, relatives….” But I didn't answer her question. I knew that she knew about my past affairs and brief stint of romance with a few members of the opposite sex. Little did she know, what I felt for her was very distinctive, very original... Yet I never dared to confess for the fear of losing the “cherub” to the senseless felling of worship.

My first interaction with her was nothing which could be described as – out of the ordinary. I was not even sure if I liked what I saw. A petite young lassie full of exuberance of youth.  Her hair were silky and her smile was strangely revitalizing. I sat with indifference thinking about all the money that she might have spent on those expensive hair treatments. I took a sudden dislike towards the incredibly attractive idol of splendor. I had no coherent explanation for hating the paramount beauty.  Maybe I hated her for the effect she had on me. I hated being controlled by someone…

But as fate would have it, we met over the most unusual circumstances… at an airport. I was having a bad hair day. I had not slept and I was getting irritable by the hour. The endless packets of cigarettes that I smoked added to my fatigue. And today, there she was… all excited and bored of the proceedings at the airport. Just when I excused myself for another cigarette, one of my trainees, who now worked at the airport, saw me and came up to me. We spoke about life back then and life now. Then he pointed towards her and said, “Who is that beautiful girl there? Is she with you?” I looked at her, this time I did realize that she was by far the prettiest girl around. “Yeah!” I said. Then out of nowhere I said, “She is my girlfriend.” I didn't know why I said that. My trainee looked at me with envy. I’m sure he had a lot of questions to ask. I stubbed the cigarette and joint her. The thought about calling her my girlfriend kept coming back to me every now and then.

I had almost forgotten about it when, I met her again during some celebration. We kept on meeting again and again and again. Now I did not hate her anymore. Eventually we started talking more and more. Her words felt like a song to the soul. I now wished her to never stop talking. Her voice was very addictive. I realized I had become addicted to her voice, her smile, her captivating looks, her touch. I just didn't seem to get enough of it all.

 As we spoke, I realized why I was so fond of her. The reason was she was just like me in many aspects. She wanted to be the master of her destiny. She cared about herself more and did not like others caring for her. She was generally disliked by people, who thought that she was a snob. I was considered a snob too. I lived on my own conditions and she did too.

So, why did I not tell her how I felt? Simple, I found her too perfect to be true. The day I find a fault in her, I will tell her for sure!!! Till then, she will remain a Darling Princess and I would wish her to be mine.

Two Strangers... Two Companions.

“Fuck”, I muttered.

It was a long and tiring tour. Not to mention, it was unfruitful. After having travelled for 7 hours, to meet with a client who kept me waiting for 2 hours, I was on the edge of restlessness and remorse.

Work was only one of the reasons for my frustration. Yes, there were other reasons too. I was fast approaching 30… I was still single, career was down in the dumps, I was not dating, I didn’t have many friends and to top it all, my parents were trying to set me up with a girl I didn’t even know. Life didn’t really turn out the way I dreamt. All I wanted was someone to hold my hand when I was feeling rotten (or happy) and loads of money to buy all the materialistic things I could imagine. Turns out, I dumped the girl who loved me more than anything else in this sadist world. Not to mention, I was downright broke. It was the 27^th of the month and all I had was 97 rupees in my bank account.

“Fuck”, I said a little louder this time.

I was at Swargate in Pune, waiting in the queue to purchase a ticket back to Thane, my home-town. The gentleman before me turned behind to give a look of disapproval. I muttered an apology and hung my head down. My mind traced back the events of the day and it did not help. I felt more miserable… lonelier… more useless. I thought of Nisha, the girl I loved but could not marry because I was commitment phobic. I realized how much she tried to convince me that we could have a great life together and how we could be happy no matter what. I smiled when I thought about her silly ways. She could make me smile on the worst day of my life. I remembered how she used to call me Golu and made jokes about my protruding belly. I subconsciously touched my belly and smiled. It was like she was right there besides me… but the reality hit me right away. Nisha was no longer mine, she was married, happy and mother of two beautiful girls. The smile faded and frown took its place. I realized how the lonely frown never left my face. It was as though Nisha took away all the smiles as her parting gift leaving behind abundant frowns.

The guy behind me gently tapped my shoulder. I hurriedly came to my senses. He signaled me to move forward as the queue has progressed. I moved ahead. After what seemed like eternity, I reached the ticket window. “One ticket to Thane,” I said. “That will be Three Hundred and Twenty Rupees Sir,” the lady ticketing authority told me. I handed over the money, took the ticket and proceeded towards the bus. I secretly hoped that I would be sitting alone. I didn’t want anyone sitting beside me. I entered the bus and a wild gush of cold air-conditioned artificial breeze hit my face. It felt rejuvenating after having spent nearly 9 hours in the hot Pune sun. All that travelling had taken its toll. My sleep deprived eyes were bloodshot, hair messy and the strip-brown silk, ironed tucked-in shirt was creased and no longer tucked-in. I was a mess… life was a mess. The hope of travelling back to Thane with nobody besides me was shattered when I saw her.

She looked at me and smiled. There was something about that smile. It was real. It was comforting. I smiled back at her and pointed to the pink leather bag which she had kept on my seat. “Oh… I’m sorry,” she said and hurriedly picked up the bag and kept it on her lap. “I thought I would not be sharing the seat,” she smiled again. And this time the smile was even wider. She had prefect teeth I thought. “It’s all right. I thought so too,” I replied. I casually looked at my wrist-watch. It was almost 10.50 PM. The bus was scheduled to depart at 11 PM. I needed a smoke. This one would have been my 34^th cigarette of the day. Aching legs didn’t want me to leave the plush comforting seat but my brain suggested otherwise. I placed my backpack in the overhead compartment.

“I’ll be back in 5 minutes, do you need anything?” I was surprised I was asking a woman I had just met if she wanted something.

She shook her head.

No.

I turned to leave.

“Oh…” she said suddenly.

I looked back. “Yes?”

“Would you be kind enough to get me a bottle of mineral water?” She asked and started digging in her purse for money.

“It’s ok, I’ll get it.” I said and came out for a smoke. The air was surprisingly cool. I lit the cigarette. I could feel the nicotine and carbon monoxide laden smoke fill my lungs. As I exhaled, I could feel a sense of calm take over me. This is what death might feel like. I shook my head trying to brush away negative thoughts. Yeah, I had been feeling suicidal over the past few months. A cluster of random thoughts started emerging but I was too tired and too pre-occupied for them to make any sense.

I bought a bottle of water for her and a bottle of cold drink for me and boarded the bus. Soon the bus began its 3 and a half hour journey back home. She fiddled with her cell phone for a while. I could see her getting restless. I removed the headphones; not that I was listening to music or anything. Sometimes I just liked to put on my headphones and pretend that I was listening to music so people didn’t bother me. Yes, I was turning into a loner.

“Is it ok for you to be travelling this late? We would be reaching Thane by 2.30 AM.” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess”, she replied.

Her reply was short and curt. I put my headphones back on started listening to music. Backstreet Boys started singing, ‘I’ll never break your heart…’ My mind took me back 5 years. This was the song which had got Nisha and me close. I closed my eyes and let the music hurt my soul. I let myself slip into remorse.

After having travelled for about an hour and a half, the driver decided to stop at a food court in Lonavla for a quick bite and some tea. “Twenty minutes,” he announced. “The ladies washroom is on the left and the gent’s urinal is on the right. Please do not pee in the open fields.” Some people let out a silent laugh.

I got down. My appetite had vanished. I purchased a coupon for tea, proceeded towards the tea dispenser and presented the coupon to the attendant. He filled up a disposable plastic cup with what looked like brown colored hot water, added some milk and handed it over to me. “Next” he called out loud as if to dismiss me from his presence.

“So much for customer service these days…” I muttered.

I walked towards the open fields. Backpack hung on my shoulders. I didn’t want to leave the backpack in the bus. The instructions said clearly, “Please do not leave your valuables like Laptop, Mobile, and Wallets in the bus. We are not responsible for the loss of your valuable items.” I had a cigarette in one hand and the plastic cup of watery tea in the other. I casually glanced towards the coupon counter. I saw her opening a packet of Lays. Instead of walking around admiring the dark nothingness of the Lonavla night skies, she preferred sitting at a table, sipping her coffee and devouring the packet of Onion and Cream flavored potato chips.

I went back to looking at the dark sky devoid of the moon or the stars. When Nisha and I were together, we used to frequently visit Manori Island in Malad. The surf and sand and the scenery was breath-taking. We used to hold hands while walking on the wet sand. I could have lived forever with her by my side. We used to rent a cottage and spend a quiet evening together. We used to make love.

“I love you Nisha,” I said fully knowing that Nisha was miles away from me.

“Excuse me, can you tell me how long it will take to reach Thane?” It was the stranger from the bus who sat beside me. I was not sure if she heard me talking to myself, declaring my love for my ex.

“About an hour and a half more,” I said. I tried to hide the cigarette behind my back. I didn’t really care if people judged me. But this time it was different. She looked at me and smiled again. “It’s ok; you can smoke in front of me. I won’t judge,” she said as if she read my thoughts.

I smiled back. It was a little uncomfortable. There was something really strange about all this. I guess she too sensed the awkwardness of the situation and stepped back. “I think I will go back in the bus,” she announced. I watched her turn her back and walk towards the bus. She was wearing a loose fitted floral dress and a scarf.

I was relieved that she left me to my thoughts. I sipped on the tasteless tea, dropped the halfway smoked cigarette on the dusty road and traced the way back to bus. As I approached the seat, I saw her eyes welled with tears. She held her Iphone in one hand and tightly clutched her pink purse with the other. The tears were just about to cross the threshold of her eyes. She caught me looking at her and hurriedly wiped off the tears and put away the phone.

Like any other male human species, I had no idea what to do with a emotionally feeble member of the opposite sex sitting beside me. Just then I realized that we were in Lonavla. Something inside me told me that I had to give her some ‘Alone’ time. I got out of the bus. The driver was smoking what smelled like marijuana wrapped up in a cigarette… (Yeah, I have had my share of wild night-outs). I looked at him and singled ‘2 minutes’. I assume the driver was not given any ‘Customer Service’ training. He totally ignored me. I heard him shot, “Jaldi aao.. gaadi late ho jaayegi” meaning – Come soon else we will be late.

I sprinted towards the counter and purchased a box of Jelly Candies. I remember I used to absolutely adore them as a child. Bright colored jelly candies made from fresh fruit… at least, that is what they advertised. After having purchased them, I sprinted back towards the bus. The driver had already honked the horn twice. I was almost out of breath by the time I reached my seat. I plopped down waiting for the heart-beat to regularize. Made a mental note for myself that I needed to start exercising.

I looked at her. She was looking out the window. The bus was speeding along at 80 kmph. There was nothing much to see, just darkness. I’ve always felt a sense of calm take over me when I stare into the darkness. “Excuse me,” I said only loud enough for her to hear. She looked at me. I handed over the box of jelly candies to her. “Chocolates can be soothing,” I continued. She gave me the widest smile and took an orange colored candy. “No, no… take them all. I have to watch my weight,” I said. My mind sub-consciously ordered my hand to touch my tummy. “Thanks,” she said and gladly accepted the box of over sweetened jelly. “Why did you get chocolates?” She asked. “Well,” I replied, “I know that diamonds are the girl’s best friend. But I was super low on cash… hence the chocolates.” I could not help but laugh at my own silly joke.

I put the headphones back on. Turned off the overhead lamp and closed my eyes. After a minute or so, she tapped my shoulder

“What are you listening to?”

“Actually, I’m not listening to anything,” I replied honestly.

“Do you like music?” She asked.

“Kind of… I haven’t changed my playlist since 2 years. I am a huge fan of Linkin Park actually. ‘In The End’ happens to be my all time favorite.

She smiled again. I could see her face clearly under the dim overhead lights which she decided to leave on. Our eyes met briefly. She was very beautiful. She had an unreal gleam in her eyes. It was either pure innocence or deep discontent… I could not really say. But the chocolates seemed to cheer her up.

Within no time, we were chatting. She loved to talk. She loved to cook, read, sing, dance, do adventure sports and lot of other things. I soon started growing fond of her. She knew what she was saying. She asked me about my likes and dislikes. We spoke about politics, sports and even gay rights. I looked at the chocolate box, it was almost empty. I had done a good job I thought to myself.

All of a sudden, she touched my arm and said, “You have been very nice to me today. Thanks. Can I have a picture of you?”

I must admit, I was a little surprised but said yes anyways. She clicked my picture and showed it to me. It looked horrible. I told her to delete it but she denied. She said something about remembering me the way I met her and how it meant the world to her. I was really touched by the emotional melodrama. I let her keep the picture.

Note to the Reader: Here the story has two different endings. You can read Ending 1 if you are a mystery lover

You can read Ending 2 if you are a die-hard romantic.

Or you could simply read both the endings and judge for yourself what you like best.

Ending Number 1 – The Judgment

“Is that all you have to say Mr. Patil?” Mr. Sawant asked.

Without looking at him, I nodded my head. Yes.

“My Lord,” Mr. Sawant continued, “The accused himself has admitted that he was involved in drugging and stealing the poor victim’s belongings; specifically, a pink leather bag containing cash of Rupees One Lakh and jewellery worth Rupees three lakh. The accused has been operation off Pune Mumbai Highway carefully selecting his victims. The accused used to offer drugged jelly candies to the fellow passengers and looting them of their belongings”

“The accused has been duping unsuspecting victims since 5 years.” Mr. Sawant continued. “Thanks to the support of Mumbai Police and Pune Police department, we were able to nab the notorious criminal red-handed. Ms. Kini who gladly volunteered to act as the bait had indeed done a commendable job. Educated people like Mr. Patil have taken up crime which is a shame. My Lord, I would request you to pass on a judgment which will make sure that anyone who decides to get into the world of crime thinks of the consequences first. That’s all My Lord.”

I could feel every single pair of eyes looking at me with utter disgust. I could feel the judge looking down on me.

“6 Years….” is all I heard. The rest was all blurred out. I felt numb. I could feel the policeman handcuff me and take me away.

“6 years is long enough to plan another undetectable crime,” I said to myself and smiled.

~The End~

Ending Number 2 – The Truth

As we spoke, we realized that we had far too many similarities. She had the most beautiful brown eyes. She spoke with authority and her conversations were spell binding. I wished I could spend some more time listening to her. She didn’t have a ring on her finger or a mangal-sutra around her neck.

Thane was fast approaching. The roads were deserted and washed with the flood of yellow lights from the sodium lamps. We exchanged numbers and emails and she promised that she would be in touch. I was thrilled.

The bus pulled into the depot and the driver called out, “Chala, last stop”

We got down from the bus and proceeded towards the auto-rickshaw stand.

“Ok, I have been meaning to ask,” I looked at her and said.

“Why was I crying?” She knew what I was about to ask.

“Ya.” I said.

She took out her phone and showed me a text message.

“It’s from my son,” she said.

The message read, “Congratulations Mom, Aarti delivered a baby girl. You are a Grandmother now. Come to Mumbai soon, Love, Aakash.”

For some strange reason I felt happy too. A brief thought of me getting married crossed my mind. I led her to the first auto in line. She made herself comfortable and gave the address to the driver.

“Oh, by the way,” I said, “you didn’t tell me your name.”

“Its Nisha…” she said as the rickshaw took off.

~The End~

I'm Glad

I'm Glad to be crying.. for I know I have emotions..!!

I'm glad that I feel pain.. for I've let someone enter my heart..!!

I'm glad I fall sick.. for I'm not alone and friends care..!!

I'm glad I fall down when I run.. for I can stand and walk and run on my own..!!

I'm glad that I feel jealous sometimes.. for I know what I lack..!!

I'm glad for all the days in hostel I've starved.. for I know that I can eat anything I want..!!

I'm glad to have my heart ripped apart.. for I know that the one for me is just around the corner.!!

I'm glad to make enemies.. for I know that I'm competitive..!!

I'm glad that I can be alone for a while.. for I know, that I can always turn to someone who will always be there!!

I'm glad that my father is upset with me.. for I know that he will be immensely proud of me one day.!!

I’m glad to have had just a couple of shirts... for I know that I care for what’s mine..!!

I’m glad to not have a jolly childhood… for I know that I will give my kids all that they need..!!

Moreover I’m glad that “YOU” left.. for I would never know what it was like to lose “Everything”!!

A Poem

Us nay dooor rehney ka mashwara bhi likhaa hay
Sath hi muhabbat ka wasta bhi likha hay

Us nay yeh bhi likhaa hay merey ghar nahee ana
Aur saaf lafzon main raasta bhi likhaa hay

Kuch haroof(shabd) likhey hain zabt ki nassehat main
Kuch haroof main us nay hosla bhi likha hay

Shukriya bhi likhaa hay dil sey yaad karney ka
Dil sey dil ka kitna hay faasla bhi likha hay

The Recurring Dream…

It was a recurring dream and it was always the same.... You stood in front of me, expressionless. I had tears in my eyes. All you say is, "Good bye!" Then you turn around and leave. I stand there helpless, too overwhelmed with emotions to be able to say anything.
I woke up with a start. My pillow was drenched with tears... again!! I looked at the clock right besides the night-stand. It showed 5: 47 AM. "Not again," I said to myself. The time was the same too. I was not sure why I kept having the same dream. I could not go back to sleep but I didn't want to wake up. I lay in bed, thinking about you, wishing that you would come back. But I had long ago accepted the fact that you will be gone forever.
I suddenly remembered how madly I was in love with you. I relived the moment I told you about my feelings, over and over in my head. Every time that I thought of you, I realized that I missed an important part of me.
The day you were about to leave, I remember telling you, "wait for me if you can. We will work something out." You smiled, just as if to make me remind me that you had already made up your mind. 
"Why do you want to marry me?" you asked. 
Imagine my predicament when I did not have an answer that could satisfy you. I always thought that I was good with words and that I could convince anyone. The reality check brought me back to earth. I did not have an answer to your question. I just knew that I loved you and that you were the one girl I could spend my entire life with. I was positive that I could keep you happy even if that meant fighting sometimes. I was sure that your touch was the only thing which could comfort me when I felt miserable. All I wanted was a chance to prove that I was not a player and that I cared about you and could go to the end of the world just so that you would not feel an ounce of pain. I did try very hard to convince you but you seemed oblivious to the turmoil of emotions within me.

As I watched you go, I silently prayed to God, to keep you happy and give you all that you were looking for in life. I did also pray with all my heart that you would return. Maybe the distance between us would make you realize that we were meant to be together. But it didn't. Four months later someone told me that you were engaged. I was shattered. It took me over 3 months to get out of depression. Thanks to my closest friends who took great care of me during this period. I had become an emotional wreck. I avoided all calls, stayed up late in office, lost a few pounds. A number of times I found myself staring into nothingness or engulfed in a trance. Almost six months later, you had called. I did not want to go back being miserable so I didn't receive your call. I changed my mobile number that very day. I had now fully accepted the fact that 'WE' ain't happening.

Just then the alarm went off. It was 6:15 AM. My wife stirred in the bed. "Are you up already?" she asked. "Why don't you turn off that alarm? We don't want to wake up the neighbors, do we?" she said. "Good Morning," I smiled and kissed her on the forehead. She snuggled against me. I could smell the sweet scent of shampoo. She always shampooed her hair before going off to sleep. Her hair was still damp. I touched her cheek with the back of my fingers. "Time to get up Sweets," I said. Just as she was about to get up, she cupped my face in her hands... I smiled and kissed the palm of her hand.
I married almost a year after I heard that you got engaged. I was good at pretending to love my wife. No matter how much I convinced myself that I was over you, I knew deep down that I still loved you and no matter what I did, that fact was not going to change.
It's been nearly a year and a half after you left. Professionally I was doing ok. Yet sometimes I did find myself struggling with reality and smoking

excessively. Today was a special day. I was getting promoted. The head of the company was flying down all the way from Australia. I was excited. I would be offered a chance to work at our corporate office in Melbourne. I had dreamt of this day ever since I had joined the organization. Just six hours until the dream metamorphosed into reality. Just as I was about to take a nicotine break, my secretary buzzed me. I had a visitor. I didn't bother to ask who it was. "Send right through" I said.
The door of my cabin opened. You stood there smiling. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. You came inside. I heard the click of the latch as the glass door shut quietly. 
"You asked me to wait, I waited..." you said. "So, will you marry me?" 
You smiled. 
All I did was remind myself to keep breathing. 
 "What happened? Are you not happy that I'm proposing? Do you want me kneel and beg for you to marry me?" You were still smiling. 

You came towards me and held my hand. Your touch was tantalizing. I could feel your palm pressing down on my wedding ring. I looked at the framed picture of my wife. I could feel your eyes following my gaze. You looked at the photo and stood up. You stood in front of me, expressionless. I had tears in my eyes. All you say is, "Good bye!" Then you turn around and leave. I stand there helpless, too overwhelmed with emotions to say anything….!!!

 

 

~ The End ~

My Best Friend..!!

We do realize the value of friends when we are all alone. I love to be alone yet today I feel all the more lonely. I feel like its not worth living anymore.





It was raining this morning and I went upstairs. The open Terrace seemed to invite me, to share its loneliness. I could sense a bit of calm in the morning rain. It was quiet... very quiet.. no kids shouting.. no drilling.. no honking horns.. no dogs barking.. no birds chirping.... just eerie silence. All I could hear was the steady beats of my heart and the sound of raindrops landing all around me..!!

I looked down.. I wondered what it would be like if I jumped. Would I die or survive with a few fractures or be paralyzed and live like a fucking vegetable... not that I'm doing a great job living anyways...!!! They say, "There is a difference between Living and Surviving"... but, how the fuck am I supposed to know when all I do is - be a burden on self and others. I think the concept of Mercy Killing should be legalized. I don't understand this thing about cops arresting you when you attempt a suicide. I mean, Its my life, ain't it? I'm free to do what I fucking want with it..!!! I tried to think positive. Reminded me of the quote, "When Life Gives You Lemons.. Don't Make a Fuckin' Lemonade.. Ask For Tequila and Salt.." But drinking seldom helps. You drink all you want and get on others nerves..!! Its fucking disgusting..!!


My thoughts thankfully were interrupted my a sudden gush of blood chilling cold breeze. Death has cold hands, I've been told. I moved away from the edge of the terrace, wondering how it would feel to see Death right in the eye!!!! Confused thoughts remained with me even when I came back to my room... What the fuck is wrong with me??? I decided to do something other than just sitting my ass in front of the laptop. I cleaned the room which took nearly 2 hours.!! Time well spent I thought!!! I showered and wondered, what to do next..!!! I needed to do something to avoid getting into depression or worse, having a fucking nervous breakdown. I decided to play some games on my Laptop, however after 8 minutes of mindless games, I got bored...!!!


Just then, I saw my pack of Cigarettes.. I have been trying hard to reduce smoking... I had been successful in cutting down from 20 cigarettes to 4-6 cigarettes a day. The urge to smoke was overpowering. I lit the cigarette and suddenly felt better. As I inhaled, i felt the warm smoke rush to my oxygen deprived lungs!!!! I was no more alone. I had the company of my Cigarettes, and I loved it...









Who says that Friends have to be Human???!!!!!



Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Injurious to You and All Around You. Think Twice before you light up!!!